I accidentally had phone sex last night
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
