Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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