I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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