I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
