heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
