i just wanna soil my oats bro
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
