Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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