i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
