doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she told me i tasted like america
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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