there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
