I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
