Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
