Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
