There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
