eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
where are you?
Hypothermia
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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