Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
