went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
