I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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