I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
