FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
