i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
