Cold hands, warm shart.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
