I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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