I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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