Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
