I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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