can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
