so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
