If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
sex in a hospital.. check
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
