Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
