I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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