Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Well I just put wine in my tea
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
