They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
