he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Randomize