Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize