where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
this just has baby written all over it
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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