How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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