so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
