so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
