Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
