why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
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