My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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