Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
