why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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