In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
