just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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