Who did Billy Mays play for?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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