Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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