he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
