I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
