I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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