i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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