It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize