Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
