i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
