I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
