worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
