A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
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