That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
