I hate your face
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
