morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
