My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She bit a glass in half.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
