; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
