She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
