No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
