I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize