I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
