Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
