you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
