Pappa wants mamma naked
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
