these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
