Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
