seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
