grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize