I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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